Y’all I desperately wanted to make y’all laugh or report some crazy, unbelievable, am I really seeing this incident. In fact, there are very few things in life that are as good as making someone laugh. I don’t mean the I fell and busted my ass and you pointed at me kind of laugh. I mean the I said something truly funny and you shot your beverage out your nose laugh. Yeah, that’s just gold right there. Unfortunately, I just don’t have it in me. I’ll be honest I’m hitting that January slump.
January Slump you ask? You know, the whole you’re fat from eating like a pig during the holidays, you haven’t worked out consistently in like two months, there are those cheery bastards screaming new year, new you at you that you quite frankly just want to backhand, it’s cold, it’s dreary, you’re broke from spending like a loon during the holidays and this year everyone is sick. I mean EVERYONE is sick. Like my facebook is nothing but people screaming new year, new you and others talking about how they hate the smell of lysol and the whole family is on Tamiflu and in quarantine. No, I’m not exaggerating. There’s a school district near me that actually shut down school for a week because something like 30 or 40 percent of the school’s population was out due to the flu. And, because everyone is sick, you’re even more broke because you haven’t hit your deductible yet. Welcome to Walgreens and get ready to spend the equivalent of the GDP of Singapore on your prescriptions.
The other thing that’s dragging me down is the death by papercuts/petty problems thing and thank goodness I’m not the only one. It feels like not a day goes by without some sort of mini-crisis. My brand new car is making a weird noise. The husband has a weird, painful rash on his legs and arms that no one can seem to identify. Baby girl has decided she hates school because she’s having trouble with math. I tracked dog shit all through the house on my shoes and didn’t know about it until I had literally been in every room of the house except one. The garage door is broken. A vent cover blew off our roof thanks to a wind storm and the doorbell stopped working. And, all of this happened in the course of two days. I was talking to a girlfriend last night and she reports similar ridiculousness. Her car broke down in the middle of the road and she spent her night getting a ride home in a tow truck. Another friend got stuck on the road in a snowstorm.
I hate to wish away time but I wish January would hurry up and get gone. I don’t know how much more of this death by a million papercuts we can endure and I am placing the blame squarely on January’s shoulders. February you are on notice, you better have something good in store for us.
P.S. – There is nothing more dangerous than a 40 year old woman trying to use Snapchat. Hand to heaven those filters do some Ah-mazing eye makeup, except for the picture shown above. I swear that filter has January Slump written all over it.