Go Away Crazy

crazy trainJust the other day I was thinking about how I haven’t witnessed anything truly crazy in a while.  I don’t mean something simple like bad driver crazy or seeing something crazy on the internet.  Let’s be real, not a day goes by that you don’t see that stuff.  No, I mean truly crazy things, like that time the lady behind me in the post office line had that creepy Louie Armstrong doll right up in my personal space. (Whispers – Click here for that crazy AF reminder.) Friends, the Universe must have thought the same thing because the crazy train has pulled into the station.  They say trouble/death/bad luck comes in threes and I have three instances of ridiculous right here for your enjoyment.

It all started Easter Sunday. No matter where we have lived for the last 12 years we have had craptastic weather on Easter. I have indoor egg hunts wired. So, that was just normal crazy right? Sure, no worries. Bedtime rolls around and I’m about to take my dog out when I open the back door and the smell of skunk hits me in the face.  I mean like it’s so strong I immediately shut the door and start flipping on outdoor lights looking for the offending animal. I thought it had to still be out there.  Alas, nothing but stink.  I take the dog out front where the smell is still there but not gag-inducing strong. It’s about 11:30 a little late for a ‘school night’ but whatever. Then a scant four hours later at 3:30 a.m. boom, boom, boom, boom on my front door.  It sounds like someone is going to beat it down.  It’s the police.  They are looking for the guy that used to own our home.  No, we didn’t just buy a new house;  we’ve owned this home for almost a year.  Apparently paying taxes on one’s house is not enough for the authorities to know you now live here and not public enemy number one.  I’ve decided the next time we buy a home we not only need to get the standard home inspection but also check to see if the seller has a criminal past. Who would have thought to do that?

Finally, my last piece of crazy isn’t really crazy.  It’s more like whoa.  I’m not going to lie this makes me a little scared because that means crazy is lurking around the corner waiting to get me.  Last night, at the dinner table, my 11 year old daughter announced one of her friends is gay.  It’s not a big deal except my daughter is 11 and we just had “the talk”.  Since we just had ‘the talk’, I wasn’t 100% sure she knew what it meant to be gay but she assured me she knew because we had ‘the talk’. (Good to know some things stick.)  I asked her how she came to know this information about her friend.  Apparently, the child just told her out of the blue while they were chit-chatting about what they got for Easter. “Hey, I got a four foot tall chocolate bunny in my basket and I’m gay. What did you get?”  Okay, that is not what was said but you get the idea. That whole conversation fell into the category of I knew one day we’d be discussing this but I didn’t think it would be at 11 years old and would involve the Easter bunny and dinnertime. Is it just me or do all kids love to bring up topics that require lots of thought like sex and Santa when you are totally unprepared to discuss them? I barely knew what to say except, “what did little Johnny get for Easter?” and “I’m glad he has it all figured out but please don’t discuss this with others as this is his story to tell.”  Now, I am praying I handled this correctly.

So, now we wait. Will there be a third instance of crazy or is the universe going to give me a pass and call this last parenting hiccup my third item?  I guess only time will tell. All I know is I think I’m going to smudge my house with sage and put some salt on my doorways.  Who knows, maybe it will at least keep the skunk from coming back. Knowing my luck he’ll show up with all of his friends.

Photo credit: Lifted the train off the internet by Googling the words crazy train. No copyright infringement intended.  Poor person. No money. Don’t sue me. Just complain and I’ll take it down.



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