I’m a lot of things but a quitter isn’t usually one of them. I rarely broke up with anyone back in my dating years. It took me forever to break up with Ikea. I loved Ikea but Ikea didn’t love me back. I adored all of the cheap, cool things with weird names. I didn’t mind you could get lost in the parking lot, nevermind the store itself. I didn’t even mind putting everything together with that crazy little hex key wrench and cam locks. Actually, I’m really good at it. But, I had one too many instances of being stuck in the store trying to wrangle some impossibly heavy box only to come home and find a broken piece. Then there was the whole return process. After standing in line for 45 minutes I find out I can only get a replacement piece if they happen to have one in the back. Or, I would have to stand in another line to get a refund or I could just wait and just keep coming back in hopes they would have said piece because there is no way to order online and they won’t call you to let you know the piece is in. It was after one of those instances I said, “Ikea, I’m breaking up with you. We are done.” And, I haven’t been back since. Unfortunately, I fear another store is about to get the same treatment, Target.
I have to say my break up with Target has been a long time coming. About five years ago they changed the cut of their Merona chino shorts. These were the best shorts ever. They fit so good and came in every color. They were just perfect. They were just the right length and didn’t ride up or do weird things – like I said perfect. After the change, I was able to limp along with the ones I still had and found a few pairs at Goodwill. So, that crisis was averted for a few years but alas all of my old pairs are worn out. Now, I’m on the endless hunt for cute shorts that fit. Then came the whole gender and bathrooms thing. Quite frankly, I couldn’t care less about who was in my bathroom all I ask is that you courtesy flush and don’t ask for a square. When all that blew up I just wished my local Target would clean the bathroom and stock tissue. I even went as far as telling the service desk, “I don’t care who you let in the bathrooms just please stock toilet paper.” The poor girl behind the counter looked thunderstruck. Still, I gave Target a pass because they always had cute things. Let’s face it, Target rocks for Halloween and Christmas decorations. But, in the past few years, I just cannot get over the changes. In trying to make themselves seem more edgy and hippy and distinguish themselves as different from other discount retailers (cough Walmart), Target has missed the mark. Their store makeovers are horrible. You can’t find a thing. They’re laid out weird. They don’t even look like Target. And, everyone knows all that remodeling means higher prices.
And, while we are at it lets discuss fashion. Target used to be my go-to for clothing and shoes. They had cute basics that were good quality for a fair price. I never went into that store without buying something to wear. Now, everything looks like grandma’s curtains. All those floral patterns, dusty pinks, and mustard yellows have me thinking it’s 1993. Where are the acid washed jean overalls and tight rolled pants? Honestly, who is in charge of buying? It’s horrible. Okay, let’s play devil’s advocate and say this is the height of fashion and I’m just out of touch. That is entirely possible and plausible but nothing fits!! I mean nothing. Everything is ill-fitting and the fabric is paper thin. I don’t know who Target is using as a clothing form but they must be some sort of mutant. I know it’s not just me. I have heard others say this too. And, sizing, forget about it. They are just suggestions. My daughter and I went shopping a few weeks ago and came out with kids size large and ladies size medium all for her. Those are two very different sizes. I went in today looking for basic solid t-shirts for myself and to check out the new Disney offerings. The medium, large and extra large were all the same width but got longer as you went up a size. That is insane. The damn thing looked like a sausage casing no matter what size I tried on. It just got longer. A medium should be smaller all over compared to a large or extra large not just longer.
So, I have just had it with you, Target. It pains me to say it but Target run, we are SO done. We are breaking up. If you can get over your middle age crazy and find your way back to your old self I might take you back but as it stands now we are over.
P.S. – The photo credit goes to me. I snapped that picture in my Target’s parking lot. Looks nice, doesn’t it? Don’t let it fool you. It’s a shit show in there.