Random

Have I Got a Job for You

I saw a funny meme the other day. It said something to the effect of I wish I could get a job doing what I really love – eating tacos and drinking margaritas. I chuckled but immediately started thinking about the things I love and I’m good at. If I could make a living doing what I was truly good at and truly enjoyed what would that job look like? Well, let’s inventory my skills. I can mow yards, clean house, do laundry and run errands better than almost anyone I know. I’m a pretty good home cook but I’m no chef. Speaking of food, I really love to eat.  I drink well with others too.  I’m good at walking for fitness – I mean I can walk 1,000 billion miles. I can tell you the title and/or the artist of almost any song you can think of within 5 to 10 seconds of the song starting.  I mean it; I would slay at Name that Tune. I adore movies, tv and pop culture.  I pretty much speak in movie and song quotes. In fact, I would go so far as to say I’m a wealth of useless knowledge. I adore trivia. So, where does that leave me in the job department? Nowhere, that’s where.  So guess what I do? I’m a preschool teacher of sorts.

I don’t have a teaching certificate; I kind of fell into this job. I’m still trying to get into a library position but until that opens up this is fun but damn if I don’t have some stories from those kids.  Incidentally, I love the littles.  They’re fun, cute and for the most part easy to keep in line, unlike older kids.  A long, level death stare usually does the trick.  But, the job isn’t without its downside. God bless them they really are like tiny wild animals right down to peeing on the floor because they haven’t quite go aiming perfected.  One of the worst of their wild animal tendencies is inappropriate touching. You’ve never lived until you’ve had a five year old smack your ass cause they just wanted to see what would happen when they did it.  You’ve also never lived until a 4 year old licked your yoga pant clad ass.  That story went a little something like this.

My teaching partner and I tag-team teach.  My partner usually does games while I do crafts but on this day I was cleaning up a mess while she had our crew around our big table doing a craft. Everything was rocking along fine until this one little girl we swear is a psychopath because she never smiles or blinks, rises from the table, walks behind my partner and licks my partner’s ass like it was an ice cream cone. Then the little dead eye child proceeded to laugh maniacally as she walked to her cubby to retrieve a water bottle.  God bless my partner; she didn’t flinch or miss a beat. She kept on instructing how to glue that part and color the other part but she was shook. You could see it all over her face.  Now we watch where we stand when that little girl is around.

As I sip my Friday reward (wine), I wonder what next week will bring and if there is such a thing as a dream job.  A job that will use my talents like not blinking at having to clean up pee from 5 year olds that can’t yet aim and who knows what the first tubular steel roller coast was.  For those who are interested, it’s was the Matterhorn Bobsleds at Disneyland in California.

P.S. Y’all this week was a reach. I was totally uninspired and it was workity work this week.  Hopefully, this little story made you laugh and I will be more inspired next week.

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