PROLOGUE: I’ve had this blog written for about a week. As of this morning, I decided to put it off and write something about 9/11. But, then I read something this – Terrorists hate it when you’re happy. As does Satan and any other bad person. So to that end, I scrapped my sad, emotional remembrance of 9/11 and give you my silly, crazy, off the wall take on something mundane. I hope it brings a smile to your face. Don’t let the bastards get you down.
Do you have a pet peeve word or phrase? I would be willing to bet my last dollar most of you do. A lot of people I know hate the word ‘moist’. Supposably for supposedly has irked me for years. I could care less makes me care a lot. Lately, my end all be all, tap dance on my very last nerve word is ‘crafted’. Let me use it in a couple of sentences for you. She crafted her response. Lexus crafts its vehicles with care. Let’s just get one thing straight about the word crafted. The only time anything is crafted is when glue, glitter, scissors, and crayons are involved and maybe some yarn. Or, if you make something like soap or jewelry then you can say your product is truly handcrafted. But, just crafted as a stand alone, no way. No one has ever crafted a response. One writes a response; one does not craft a response. Again, there was no glue stick involved. No one is crafting a car. Engineers, designers, welders, mechanics, assembly line workers all work together to make a car. The designers design. The welders weld. The assembly line workers assemble but no crafting was involved. ‘Craft’ is a bullshit bingo word some marketing guru came up with much like the word ‘synergy’. It sounds good and gives us all warm fuzzies but it means nothing.
The next word in line for the tap dance on my nerves award is ‘self-care’. Hand to heaven it sounds like a nicey-nice, in polite company way of saying masturbation. Let’s use ‘self-care’ in a sentence. After a particularly stressful day, I went home and practiced some self-care. Honestly, what does that even mean?! Does it not sound like you had some special alone time or maybe you just went home, took your bra off and drank a bottle of wine while watching Netflix. Or, it could mean you took a bubble bath for so long you’re still pruney three days later. I mean so much can be construed from that tiny phrase. It’s truly perplexing. And, riddle me this, when did we need a self-care routine? I keep seeing headlines like “Top 10 things you should be adding to your self-care routine”. My self-care routine? Oh, did you mean grooming? Are you freaking kidding me, I’m happy if I remember both my AM and PM moisturizers. Oh, you didn’t mean grooming. Well, what the hell do you mean? Oh, you know self-care, well being, blah, blah, blah. No, I don’t know what you mean. Most days I’m living life hanging on by my fingernails and hoping my hands don’t get sweaty. I’ve got lists for my lists so I can keep my highly distracted brain in check. Hell, I even have a reminder to write this blog. My idea of a quiet moment is scrolling through Facebook or Instagram while on the toilet or listening to a podcast while on the elliptical machine.
In the past, I have been chastised for being too literal and direct. Personally, I see nothing wrong with it. Can we just say what we mean and mean what we say? It’s not hard, y’all.
Photo Credit: Something free I found on the internet. I swear that is the face I make when I hear those two words.